


fanfare first

by Cahoots



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Mommy Issues, Mommy Kink, hmm, lmao that was a legit tag, pesterfic, sex talk hopefully eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:42:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cahoots/pseuds/Cahoots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="dave">TG2: i thought you were fun mom</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="roxy">TG: i AM fun mom</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="roxy">TG: but mom comes first except 4 grammatically</span>
  <br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	fanfare first

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deliriousbiznasty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliriousbiznasty/gifts).



> I FINALLY DID IT KANDY IM SORRY merr chrms im embarrassed

TG2: ok so it starts like  
TG2: fanfare first  
TG2: and then a hush all over the entire east state like two hundred grandmas just metaphorically died on their family dinners as the red velvet drops to the floor  
TG2: suddenly the sickest beat drops ill as fuck like we dropped back into the eighties hip hop scene and elevated outta the floor  
TG2: tall blond and handsome spewing rhymes and breakdance moves like you aint ever seen all whilst wearing the shiniest gayest panties imagineable cause we agreed on that  
TG2: spoiler its me  
TG: uh huuh  
TG2: and then enter blonde bombshell number two stage right with the anime eyes and obviously flanked with roughly thirty billion sea foam bubbles from the science lab like venus decided to crash the party  
TG2: blastin the audience with her hella voluptuous beauty boobs or twin bazookas whatever fits better for the folks at home  
TG: spoilery its ME  
TG: boom baby  
TG2: crowd goes fucking ape shit its scripted  
TG2: yo pipe down in the peanut crowd  
TG: apologies bb speareshake plz spin more glistenin yarns  
TG: sonny jim  
TG: hot totastertoddler  
TG: hot  
TG: toddy  
TG2: stop this is serious a serious fucking play cmon  
TG2: im expecting you to fight like eighteen whole soccer moms and barbecue dads for the front row seats just to sob all over your camcorder lamenting the many years ive been existing just to get here  
TG2: embarrassing wolf whistle and standing ovation every five minutes and everything  
TG2: cheering me on like the proud parent you are while saving the footage of my talented ass obscured by your snot dribble for my twenty first or whatever  
TG: ok ok....but  
TG: if im in the audience AND  
TG: im in the plane  
TG: THEN WHO WAS PLANE??  
TG2: you just said plane twice and cross memed mom do you need to sit down  
TG: yes  
TG: but do u need to sit down ?  
TG: in my lap???????  
TG2: thats not  
TG: come here baby boy lets watch your show togehter  
TG: got the best seat right here  
TG2: so i thought i was telling you how this goes down  
TG: well yeah  
TG: but i am the """adult""" here in this situation and so therefore know heaps wiser  
TG: and also i want 2 comment bc im a fun mom  
TG2: you are a fun mom mom i already know this you dont gotta prove it to me  
TG2: im having such a great time right now fun is literally pouring out of my earholes and filling my sinuses im probably so excited im about to die  
TG: AWWWWWWWW  
TG: thats enough disgusting flattery from u young man lets get down 2 sum nice clean bsns  
TG: to defeat  
TG: the huns  
TG: spoiler alert again thats u you are the hun  
TG2: christ  
TG: srs tho youre using a lotta phlegm comparisons are you laden with a cold  
TG: coz i do NOT want u snotting all over me as we do the dirty  
TG: its not that kind o dirty if u kno what i mean  
TG2: ...  
TG2: what do you mean  
TG: waht do i mean...  
TG: ask me nicely davey.  
TG: (hoh shit i brought out the punctuation do u see how srs i m))  
TG2: what do you mean, mom  
TG: what do i mean what, davey? gimme full sentences bub  
TG2: jesus  
TG2: what kind of dirty did you mean by your wacky ol' sentence there, mom?  
TG: :') so polite  
TG: idk bby i guess id get rid of all dat fanfare first  
TG: tidy up a lil  
TG: usher out all the guests and dead grandmas w my broom cuz this is OUR time bub  
TG: we r wurkin on a clock here and that clock says.....no funny bsns!!!!  
TG2: i thought you were fun mom  
TG: i AM fun mom  
TG: but mom comes first except 4 grammatically  
TG: so first things first it is v likely that ill scoop yu up  
TG2: like  
TG2: carry me??  
TG: maybe.  
TG: ure a teensy bit big but we shall see  
TG2: wow cant believe you just called me fat  
TG2: murdered my boner right then and there  
TG: whoops!  
TG: there it goes  
TG2: deflating balloon sounds  


TG: hey hun?  
TG2: yeah  
TG: what do u reeeally want?  
TG: ik we have established that you like this thing and ur no longer embarrassed by it w me  
TG: ditto bromoski!  
TG: but ur not tellin me the specifics apart frm the panties  
TG2: i  
TG2: whatever you want  
TG: ......  
TG2: ....  
TG: ..............  
TG2: ..  
TG: ...........................  
TG2: what  
TG: DAVE  
TG: U CANT JUST SAY THAT THIS IS ABOUT U  
TG2: what i dunno christ rox why you gotta yell at me  
TG: bc ur stubborn and DUMB  
TG2: ok fine look honestly idk what i wanna do seeing as ive never actually done it before  
TG2: i dont even have porn of this stuff and youre asking me to pull shit outta the top of my head like  
TG: alrite bb hold your horsies  
TG: real talk for a second bitch  
TG: what do you like  
TG: about the idea  
TG: of me pretending to be your mom  
TG2: ugh  
TG2: the  
TG2: welp obviously the mommy issues are a factor  
TG: keep goin  
TG2: no that was it that was the joke  
TG2: i just  
TG2: i like the idea of being doted on i guess  
TG2: actual mommy issues  
TG2: i only ever kinda got that from jade back in the day? thats probably why i crushed the hell out on her  
TG2: i mean i got it like  
TG2: pure and without the bromo jokes and i could tell she was impressed with me whilst also being above me so  
TG2: wow that doesnt make sense wait  
TG2: i mean she wasnt above me exactly but i  
TG2: um  
TG2: she put up with my bullshit?  
TG: you want me to put up with your bullshit  
TG2: no  
TG2: it  
TG2: whyre you turning all lalonde on me can you not be ecto slash voodoo brain related for a second  
TG: i aaaam a lalonde davey  
TG: but okay dokay i think i see what you are trying 2 get thru to me  
TG: i think you need the reassurance  
TG: and the insight  
TG: that only a momma could have for her babe  
TG: ((spoiler ur the babe)  
TG2: yeah  
TG2: ngl definitely got maximum swoonage here as per that insightfulness  
TG2: deduce the fuck outta me momma  
TG2: my body is prepared  
TG: roflmalao  
TG: i suppose i will...think on it???  
TG: goggle some more mayhaps youd like to do this googling with me  
TG2: sure why not just  
TG2: keep the smelling salts handy  
TG: you got it <3


End file.
